Love is a unique experience everyone does crave to have and people find love in different and strange places, the bottom line is that at the end of the day you found love and that special person to share your life with you.
Here’s our special story of our love life that started by agreeing on a contract and following through with all the agreements.
It was time again to review our contract and make some relevant changes so we agreed to make two tiny changes that were a little bit inconveniencing: my Tuesday dog walk for his Saturday one and having me clean the kitchen counters and he takes over the bathtub.
Our relationship contract is titled: “John and Carrey’s Relationship Contract” a four paged and single-spaced document that we made and signed exactly 12 months ago.
The contract in clear terms covers everything from chores to sex to finances, to special dinners and vacations. We not only loved it but we celebrated with our lives and have revised and reviewed it twice already because it has kept us focused and committed ourselves.
A relationship contract might sound too calculative and unromantic but in the true sense, every relationship has got some unwritten laws that both partners do adhere to, in our case, we are just ensuring that we are making love happen to us consciously and not waiting for love to find us like most people do.
About 18 months ago, I and John spent our very first date using a psychological experiment to come up with 36 questions that can practically make two strangers fall in love. The motive of the questions is to prove that love can be created and do not just depend on fate alone and when persons intentionally work together, they obviously will find love.
From my past experience when I was much younger, I fell in love with someone that practically was more experienced than myself, I was too in love to with him that I lived my life pleasing him doing what he wanted not because he coerced me but just because I was in love and it soon dawned on me that I was living his life shortly after we got separated.
I am supposed to enjoy and fully live my life and the spaciousness of my mind even though am in love and in a relationship. I should be able to control my time to a large extent this I understood when I read the Virginia Woolf’s “A Room of One’s Own”. It was a joy for me to know that I could make some decisions.
I didn’t want to be entangled with petty arguments over whose turn to do the laundry, buy the groceries and minutiae of domesticity and was more worried that I might get lost in love again when John proposed that we moved in together.
We spent weeks deliberating the pros and cons of moving in together because it is imperative for us to get it right so we read a book together — “The New I Do: Reshaping Marriage for Skeptics, Realists, and Rebels” — that recommends short-term marriage contracts. We were okay with the idea and it was something that we can do to help us live together.
With John, I wanted to do better
This time around, I just wanted to ensure that I do not get lost in this relationship or do not want to attract too much attention to myself but to intentionally create an enabling environment in our home and also help us aspire to be more ethically-minded.
We agree to split the bill when eating out with one exception: “Special meals (date night, celebrations, etc.) will not be split so one person can treat the other.”
It was a great feeling for me to see some of the things I hold in high esteem in our contract and were being followed by my partner without feeling forced to do them like eating breakfast together, sensitive topics on sex and intimacy and other things that we were comfortable doing.
Not that we didn’t have shortcomings in our contract but it makes us acknowledge our weaknesses and insecurities and made us respect our boundaries.
We have done well for ourselves I thought to myself one time we were out on a date when John popped the big question for us to take a step forward, let’s get married without the contract since we now know what works for us “What would marriage offer us that we don’t already have?” I asked.
“Good question,” he said
We have created something huge these years we have been together and I have grown fond of you for real and it is only right that we take the bar away. I agreed and the planning of our wedding began.
I have grown too fond of him and he respects me so much that I am so free in my mind to enjoy the unique things that make me.
Now, I know love really can be groomed till it blossoms into the perfect happily ever after. I love John so much that he is everything I ever wanted in my man.