The Problem With Looking for that Tiny Little Spark and Why I Changed My Mindset on Dating

The Problem With Looking for that Tiny Little Spark and Why I Changed My Mindset on Dating

Most people have their opinions on Love at first sight or probably hate or dislike, at first sight, this all boils down to the impression made by the opposite sex the very first time they cross our path. Our conclusion on their personalities is always physically based or biased.

One time I decided to make a list of the things that I felt would get a man irresistible or make him less appealing. My list included everything from great shoe designs to nice masculine voice, from a quick to an instantaneous spark, from a good choice of car to his pretty blue eyes. Also, my list included things that made him ordinary which included the crooked set of teeth, telling pretty boring stories on the very first date, wrong fashion sense, and pretty ridiculous car. Looking back now at my list, it feels ridiculous and it just shows how naïve and superficial I was then.

Something happened sometimes ago when I bumped into a really cool guy and we got talking then I realized that I had forgotten about my crazy list because I really had fun talking with this guy over a drink but he a just an  N.G.B guy who I can’t really date.  N.G.B – “nice guy but….

Changing My Opinion on Dating Was good Decision

After seeing me go ripe in age and in my late 20s I began to ask questions and then while talking with a friend of mine who is in the same boat as myself not dating or having a real man our lives soon realized that the issue wasn’t that the men weren’t proactive enough but it was us who could not date any guy who is not in our comfort zone.

We were more passionate about our faith, the character and if the man could lead a godly life, and be a great father and can keep a godly home and not about our superficial list. It struck me that I needed to stop running away from serious relationships. It’s been me all this while running away from what makes me unique and not the generality of what single ladies generally want in a man.

I just knew then that I had to stick with anyone that value the same things I treasure and hold in high esteem and not just some list I wrote based on the expectations of others without considering what really makes a relationship tick and what will keep the marriage and make it work.

A few weeks later, I needed to attend a wedding reception and I didn’t want to go there alone but the only person that came to mind was the nice guy but… I liked the time I spent with him there but I knew he was shy so I summoned the courage to ask him to go with me to the reception which he did. He didn’t have the spark I craved for but he was something I needed even though he was shy but he seemed nice and gentlemanly.

A month later, coal the N.G.Bguy called me up and we went out again on another date. We had a great time together and it actually made it clearer for me to see the spark that I really needed to see which is a home builder, that I really craved for in my heart and I made up my mind this time not to shy away from him.

Finding Something Better Than a Spark

I was really happy I got some sparks but there was something better than those little sparks, it is the coal that keeps burning after the sparks burn out almost immediately. the goal of our relationship kept burning and we knew then where we were headed for, it’s the altar of God to consummate us in Holy matrimony.

I knew I have found a man who would cherish me and my kids for all eternity and we were sure to start a godly home.


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