Some superheroes have legendary Rogues galleries. Some don’t. Captain America is kind of in the middle. He has some of the most heinous, fun-to-hate villains of them all (Red Skull comes to mind). He also some opponents who don’t quite inspire a lot of fear.
Captain America will fight anyone who threatens freedom anywhere. These ten villains from across Cap’s distinguished career prove it. Cosmic villain or confused circus performer, everyone gets justice. Here they are: the ten most pathetic Captain America villains ranked.
Cache is the keeper of all knowledge. Too bad he didn’t log any awesome costume designs, because he really needed to. Cache is a living super-computer (super-computers coming alive and being jerks is kind of a theme in Cap villains) who first appeared in 2000 when fear of computers was still pretty fresh from Y2K. In addition to just being a genius, he developed his own body, which he made sure to feature attributes necessary for fighting Captain America: super-strength, speed, and stamina. Didn’t help him, though.
On the subject of angry AI, Ameridroid is a twenty-foot tall android replica of Captain America. Lyle Dekker, a former Nazi spy with a grudge against Steve Rogers for almost killing him controls the android. At first Ameridroid as just a big giant robot, which was scary enough. But then he was able to siphon Captain America’s powers from him, and Dekker uploaded his mind into the machine, which made Amerdroid a twenty-foot tall super-soldier. Still got scrapped though.
Superia first debuted in the early 90s, so she’s already got that working against her. She is also the leader of a team of supervillains named the Femizons. Her big deal was that she wanted to sterilize all the women in the world except her and her bad girl buddies, so they could be the reproductive powerhouses on planet Earth and really that seems like a pretty big waste of her super intelligence and super strength.
7 Batroc the Leaper
Batroc got some love in Captain America: The Winter Soldier but the MCU version of the character was a marked upgrade from the comics. Batroc is a French mercenary with a penchant for purple and yellow spandex. He first showed up in 1966, courtesy of Stan Lee and Jack Kirby.
Batroc’s deal pretty much begins and ends with being able to leap and kick. Admittedly he’s good at it, but beyond that, this thief, smuggler, and mustache aficionado can’t bring anything else to bear against Captain America except a long-held grudge.
Nefarious has been two different supervillains with two different names and powersets and he sucked both times. Llyod Bloch kicked off his failed bid for supervillain glory as Moonstone, deriving his powers from a stone from the moon that gave him super strength and speed. The stone drove him nuts and he ditched it. Later, he transformed into Nefarious thanks to some chemicals, and this time he could leap great distances and shoot energy beams out of his hands. And then he died.
It’s not a terrible idea. A suit of armor spiked with porcupine-like quills? It could have been cool, but it wasn’t. Alexander Gentry served in the military as a weapon designer and he applied his considerable talents and a great deal of time, effort, and energy into making one of the worst costumes of all-time. On paper, the suit sounds incredible – super-strong, durable, with laser beams and quills which fire as rockets, but in execution, it was a horrible failure.
Another animal-themed villain is Armadillo, who became half-man, half… armadillo as a result of genetic experimentation. This certainly made him a tough opponent to battle, and a little bit like the Thing at least in outward appearance, but the character was often used in a comical way. Basically, his entire deal is robbing banks or stealing enough money to find someone to reverse his genetic mutations. Definitely understandable, but he generally ends up getting angry over his ex-girlfriend, who dumped him because he’s an Armadillo.
Blistik is like that guy in your apartment building always telling you to turn your music down, but you have your headphones in. A self-declared vigilante dedicated to preserving the “quality of urban life” in New York City, Victor Lillian evidently watched Taxi Driver one too many times.
He didn’t take any cues for his costume from that movie or any other, choosing a garish 90s purple and orange scheme that completely overshadowed whatever street-level crusade he imagined he was on. Since his idea of justice was really just to harass people, Captain America shut him down hard.
All credit where credit is due: Death-Throws aimed high. A group of circus jugglers who weren’t content living on peanuts, they opted for a life of crime. They throw knives, bombs, shade, you name it. It wasn’t enough to stop Captian America or anybody, actually, and these guys fought a fair number of Marvel heroes including Hawkeye. They sucked so hard they were later replaced by Crossfire with robotic henchmen – Death T.H.R.O.W.S.
It’s never a good idea when you’re coming up with new villains to mimic old ones. MODOK is a classic if gonzo villain and MODAM is an attempt to go even crazier. It doesn’t work. Mental Organism Designed for Aggressive Maneuvers is a product of the evil group A.I.M., who similar to MODOK, experimented on Olinka Barankova and transformed her into a hideous half-human, half-cyborg big-giant-head. Her greatest sin though was to join up with the Femizons, making her extra 90s and extra lame.
D&D 6th edition: 5 Things Fans Want (& 5 That Make People Worried)